Okay, I'm not going to be very polite today.  This is a big problem.  Some of our parents are a pain to work with, get along with and deal with.  In other words, they're high maintenance.

I recently read a forum comment from a woman whose mom is so difficult her own church group called the daughter  for help.

That's bad, but every congregation has  a person like that.  No matter what you do for them, it isn't enough. 

Part of the problem is these people are miserable.  So if others are not sharing their misery, they will make certain that will change.

I think a deeper aspect of it is people like this are not always thinking straight.  Whatever those thorns or difficulties were in their personalities when they were younger become magnified as they grow older. That's why the golden years are not always so golden.

So what do you do if you find yourself trying to care for a difficult parent like that?

The suggest made was to hire a  "house cleaner" who doesn't clean house.  This person is actually a companion.  That may be all the parent needs.  The parent is probably lonely and childish and if someone was there to take her out every once in a while and to listen to her complain, a lot of pressure is removed.

Of course, you don't want to come out and  tell your  parent you have hired a companion for them.  And the reason why you had to do it was because no one in their right mind will do the work for free, including the people at church.

However, here's where love is really put to the test.

Try to get to the bottom of the problem.  It may be a form of dementia and your parent may actually not be thinking right. Try to find out if there is a physical cause.  Then give extra love.

I know what you're thinking.  It's easy for me to write this. 

Actually, it isn't. 

What we're doing  is never easy, but there are reasonable solutions.   

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