There is plenty of emotional toil that comes with elder care.  Your parents are depending more upon you not just physically, but emotionally.  It can be a big burden.

Care givers often state they don’t feel like they have a life of their own anymore.  And for good reason.  If you are trying to hold down a job and care for all your aging parents’ needs, you won’t have time for a life.

That’s one of the biggest problems because you need to get away.  You need what I refer to as “small vacations”.  Notice we’re not asking for a trip to Europe of even Florida, we’re asking for an hour or two when we can go to the mall or get our hair fixed or play golf.  Many of us are being denied even that.

A lot of the problem also comes from the single sibling who does most of the caregiving.  You may have several brothers and sisters but if they don’t come over and take turns, you will have to do it all yourself.  That can drive some splinters among you and them which may never heal.

What’s a solution?

Be specific.  Tell your siblings your parents  need help and everyone needs to share the responsibilities together.  Announce you will be taking an afternoon or morning off.  You will expect one of them to come over and work with your parents.

Surprisingly, you may receive more cooperation than you might think.  If you take the lead they will probably respond.   Let them see what it is really like.  If you really need to get emphatic paint a picture of what it will be like if you are no longer able to care give.  Your brothers and sisters might realize they will be stuck with all the responsibility.  It is in their best interest to keep you healthy and somewhat happy.

I know this is rough to face and many of us don’t like to talk about it, but I felt I needed to say we should quit feeling so guilty and get some help.

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