One of the biggest issues you may face in caring for the elderly is your relationship with siblings.

What happens when things go wrong?

Brothers and sisters may not fulfill their responsibilities as caregivers, or they may even take what you considered to be part of your inheritance.

Recently, I read a post in a forum from a daughter-in-law who felt cheated by her husband's brothers.

Arrangements were made for the mother- in -law to live with the daughter-in-law and her husband.  The mother-in-law was to pay to add a small apartment on to their house where she would live.

The husband did most of the work on the addition himself and the mother-in-law moved in.

Everything went fairly smoothly until it was discovered the mother-in-law had given power of attorney to the other brothers who promptly announced  the husband's inheritance had been spent building the mother-in-law's addition.

Should the caregiver couple feel bitter?  Seek revenge?

Our advice: What goes around comes around.

The most important consideration here should be the mother-in-law. 

The daughter-in-law and son need to see that her final years are as comfortable and fulfilling as possible. That's with or without the cooperation of the other siblings.

Also everything and everyone in this little drama are influencing two generations of children and grandchildren who are watching everything.

How the elderly woman is treated will most likely be the way they will treat the future elderly people of the family.

Chances are very strong the younger family members will reciprocate in kind.

The other siblings need to think long and hard on that bit of wisdom. Someday they'll probably wish they had.

Do good, don't complain and make the best of the situation.

If you feel a need to seek justice with your family members, which we don't advise, do it after your mother-in-law passes.

You want good memories of your care for her, with absolutely no regrets.  

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