Caregiver RANT has just received a question from a reader who calls herself “Doormat”.
The reader is frustrated because she is caring for her aging parent all by herself without help from her sister.
Sound familiar?
The sister flits in and out everyday around lunchtime to cheer the Mom. However, she never brings anything and expects a free lunch from Doormat.
Doormat is seeking advice.
What would you tell her?
Here’s my answer for Doormat.
Lovingly take your sister aside and explain the situation.
If needed, bring in a mediator, whom both of you respect, such as a relative or a minister.
Gently and diplomatically tell Sis she needs to do more.
If money is tight, at least she can come and stay with Mom while you run errands. But she needs to do something.
If that approach doesn’t seem to be working, go straight for what I refer to as “Jugular Advice”. Hit her hard with guilt.
We all haven’t lived this long that we don’t realize everyone who care gives feels guilty after it’s all over.
“I could have done more…”
“I should have done better…”
If you’re trying as hard as you can, stop punishing yourself.
However, Doormat’s sister and relatives of her type need to feel guilty. The sooner the better.
That’s because she can do more and she should do more- now, while there’s still time.
The old hymn sums it up best.
“Work for the night is coming,
When Man’s work is done”
Remind her of that.
What are your ideas for Doormat?
Write us and share your ideas or go directly to Caregiver RANT and advise her there.

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